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2 comments | Friday, January 30, 2009

A poem written for a writing workshop during my college days. This poem was critiqued by Rebecca Anonuevo of PEN and other writers from UST Center for Creative Writing. Just want to share it.


Dapithapon



Pinili kong mapag-isa sa
Isang dapithapon na puno ng pighati
Isang dapithapon na di maintindihan
Kung bakit ang pighating iyon
Ay bumabalot sa katahimikan ng
Papalubog na haring araw.



Pinili kong ako'y tapak-tapakan
Mga taong sinabi kong sila ang magtatanggol
Kung ako'y naaapi.
Mga taong akala ko'y sila ang mag-aahon
Kung ako'y nalugmok
Sa pighati ng malayong karimlan.
Pinipilit kong maayos ang mga lugmok
Ng aking nadaraanan.
Ngunit ikaw mismo ang sumira sa mga
Naisaayos nating pangarap.



Pinili kong maiwanan sa ating mga lakbayin
Ikaw ba'y lmingon ng nalaman mong ikaw
Ay nag-iisa sa ating paglalakbay?
Ikaw ba'y naghanap ng ako ay nawala
Sa ating daraanan.
Pinipilit ko'y ika'y maintindihan at
Mabura sa aking isipan.
Ngunt di mawala ang mga ala-ala na
Bumuo at sumira ng aking buhay.



Ngayon, ako na lamang ang lalakbay
Sa malayong karimlan
Ako na lamang ang mag-aayos
Sa mga nasirang mga pangarap
Ako na lamang ang aahon
Sa pagkaluugmok sa pighati
Ng malawak na karimlan
Ako na lamang ang magbubukas
Sa durungawan aking puso at
Ako na lamang ang magtatanggol
Sa tuwing ako'y naapi.



Ngunit ng isang dapithapon na yaon ay
Nagbago ang lahat ng aking naitakda;
"Pinili ko bang tumakas at wakasan ang aking buhay?"

5 comments | Wednesday, January 28, 2009

<<<Click the title to listen


1. Eleanor : Shannon Worrell from the album "Aware Greatest Hits"




She turns to her father
His head in a book she said
"Why even bother?" he don't look up
He thinks he knows me well
He thinks he knows this heart
He's memorized my heart
He's memorized my mind
He's just memorized two lines


2. Time After Time : Cover version of Eva Cassidy





Lyin' in my bed I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after Time



3. Good Morning Baby: American Pie OST by Dan Wilson and Bic Runga



Between an overload of information
And a striving for a pure dedication
I Find myself looking for the exit sign
See your pretty face in the sunshine
In the morning after staying up all night
I Want to wake you just to hear you
Tell me it's alright
And all I want to be is too much
Sometimes for me
Good morning baby
I hope I'm gonna make it through another day



4. Someone New by Eskobar feat. Heather Nova



You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you
And the sun will come on thru,
It's gonna shine for you
'Cause I adore you

5. Grey by Ani DiFranco



What kind of paradise
Am i looking for?
I've got everything i want
And still i want more
Maybe some tiny shiny key
Will wash up on the shore

4 comments | Monday, January 19, 2009



“You go to school not only to help yourself but to help your fellow Aeta”


Wayda Cosme,now 33, stands out among the Aeta of Mount Pinatubo. She is the first lawyer in the tribe. Also, she is the first Aeta working as a legal analyst for the Clark Development Corp., which runs the Clark Special Economic Zone, as CDC records showed. Wayda’s parent Roberto and Milagros are from the Villar Village(formerly Ugek), which is 10 km from the volcano’s crater. After the eruption of Mount Pinatubo, the Cosme family were displaced and evacuated and later settled in Botolan, Zambales.

Wayda’s parents are advocates of Education. They did all their best to look for a scholarship for Wayda. Her studies in Sto. Nino High school in Botolan was supported by the Jaime Ongpin Foundation. She finished her English course in Guagua National College in Pampanga while working as house helper. In 2001, she finished Law School from Harvardian College through the help of the Holy Trinity Church in Makati City and Jennifer Wallum, a member of the British Empire and founder of the Entrepreneur Volunteer Assistance Charity Foundation.


The story of Wayda is such an inspiring one not just for the Aeta community but also to the different minority groups here in the Philippines. Through education you can make a difference. Social change is defined as an act of advocacy for the cause of changing society in a normative way. With the story of Wayda, people of her community were inspired to follow her path to change their lives and not be a slave of poverty again. But also some difficulties are ahead of them since the the government are not fully supportive to them.


One difficulty during her schooling is the discrimination, because of her skin color and looks, from her classmates. Aeta’s are labelled house helpers, beggars and lazy people from the mountains. Sometimes, people think that they have no capacity or capability for an higher learning and that is the reason why Wayda’s classmates shows some prejudices to her. Wayda did not only discriminated by the people from from the city but also by his fellow Aetas who do not have faith with her dream to finish school. She was ridiculed and poked fun at. Her fellow Aetas do not believe with education as a tool for success. They think that they are Aetas and Aetas have no place in the school.


Another difficulty is the lack of money to continually support her education. Even though she is under scholarship, her allowance is sometimes late that’s why her parents need to look for money just to sustain her education.


Also, support from the family is very important. Wayda’s father is her number one supporter. Roberto Cosme finished elementary education where he learned to write, read and count. His enthusiasm for education got support from American couple Fred and Virginia Pennoyer, who devoted 20 years of Protestant missionary work in Villar. He is a government employee in Zambales and he did all his best just to support her daughter’s education. Unlike her father, Wayda’s mother, Milagros, does not fully supports her husband about Wayda going to school. She is afraid on what Wayda will experience on the hands of the people in the city. One advice that his father always say to Wayda is that “You go to school not only to help yourself but to help your fellow Aeta” This is what Wayda always remember when she is in a downfall stage of his school life.


Lastly, the lack of support from the government for education is one major obstacle. Specialized programs must be planned that will cater the needs of the minorities. Reading, writing and instructional materials that suits the minorities must be given to them.



While reading the online news this morning, news about Presidential aspirants are now on the headlines: New President for the Americans; Supreme Court Justice as future President; Chavit and Erap are now in good terms; Korina and Presidential wannabe Mar Roxas lovelife; and stories of Villar, Legarda, Lacson and De Castro. I hope that our next leader will prioritize EDUCATION as a tool to alleviate poverty. I greatly believed that Filipinos are born with exceptional intelligence and talent.

11 comments | Monday, January 12, 2009

2:14 am


After Sherwin told me that his best friend was diagnosed with renal failure, di mawala wala sa isip ko for the past two days ang nangyari sa mom ko. Minsan naiiyak lang ako pag naalala ko sya.It’s been 3 years since she left us pero until now naaalala ko pa rin on how she suffered from the disease. Her renal failure was a complication from her diabetes . Nasa genes na yata namin. My lola also died because of that and another aunt was recently diagnosed.


Di ako makatulog tonight kahit ilang baso ng gatas pa ang aking inumin. I even lighted a scented candle just to have a relaxing ambiance before I sleep pero di mawala wala sa isip ko ang mga pagkakataon na kasama pa naming ang mom ko. Lam ko corny pero for the past hours eh tuloy tuloy ang pagluha ng aking mga mata with no reason at all. I just missed her siguro. I badly missed her. Ang dami ko naiisip habang nakahiga. Naisip ko nga siguro kung ako lang ang nagbantay nung gabing inatake sya while having here dialysis session eh walang nangyaring masama sa kanya. Yes until now sa tingin ko may kasalanan pa rin ako why she passed away early. Kahit paulit ulit nilang sabihin na di ko kailangan sisihin ang sarili ko.


Since she started her dialysis treatment, ako na lagi ang nagbabantay sa aking mama. Ako nagigising pag nagpapakamot sya ng likod. Dapat lagi ako nasa tabi nya pag gusto nya uminom ng tubig or kailangan na syang turukan ng gamot or para ma check ang kanyang blood pressure. I resigned on my job and took a leave of absence sa UP Grad School dahil ako na lamang ang maasahang magbantay sa kanya.


I can proudly say that my mom trusted me so much compared to my siblings.


Yup, alam ko na di ako ang paborito sa bahay. Di ako achiever since bata. Sapat na sa akin ang mamuhay ng masaya ng di iniintindi ng ibang tao. I hate it pag pinoproblema ako ng ibang tao.Yaw ko naaapektuhan sila dahil sa kagagawan ko. Lam un ng mom ko. One time nagpaalam akong gagabihin ako at hinintay pa rin ako sa kanto ng aking mama. I still remember that incident at until now eh pinagsisisihan ko kung paano ko sya pinagalitan dahil sa pagaalala sa akin. Simula noon eh di na nya ako hinintay pag umuuwi ako sa gabi. She trusted me the whole time. Pero ngayon eh sobra miss ko ang magkaroon ng someone na tatanungin ako kung asan ako or kung ano dahilan kung bakit ako umuwi ng umaga. Sabi nga nila ay kung maibabalik lang sana. Unfortunately, hindi na.


Kahit hindi ako paborito sa bahay alam kung sa akin lang pinagkakatiwala ng mom ko ang kanyang “buhay”. Hindi sya iinom ng gamot kung di ako ang nagbigay. Di siya magpapaturok ng insulin kung hindi sa akin. Gusto nya ako kasama nya pag nagpapa dialysis sya. Sa akin lang sya nagpapamasahe ng paa kapag sumasakit na ang mga ito. Hindi nya gigisingin ang iba kung mga kapatid sa gabi kung gusto nya umihi at uminom. May isang pagkakataon nga na sobrang hapdi ang ginagawang treatment sa kanya eh ako ang tinatawag at wag ko daw bibitawan ang kamay nya.


Naisip ko nun na ginagawa ko ang lahat ng yun dahil wala akong choice. My older brother works hard to answer our financial problems. Kung ako ang magtatrabaho for sure di ko kakayanin na suportahan sila. My younger brother is still young then at di sya nakatira sa bahay. Pero ngayon naisip ko na di dahil wala akong choice kung bakit ko nagawa un kung hindi priviledge pala un dahil sa aming tatlo eh ako lang ang nakaexperience makasama at mapagsilbihan ang aking mama nung sya ay nabubuhay pa.


Nasanay na ang aking mama sa halos tatlong beses ilang lingo nya pamamalagi sa hospital para linisin ang kanyang dugo. Minsan isang araw sinabihan ako na lumabas nman ako ng bahay at gumimik kasama ng aking mga barkada. Nung nalaman nya na mayroon Korean Camp sa Diliman na dati kong sinamahan ay kinumbinsi nya ako na sumama para maka relax naman kahit ila ng lingo lang. Noong una nagdadalawang isip ako na sumama dahil lam kung wala magbabantay sa kanya. Pero napa-OO din ako nung nakikita kong lumalakas na sya and she decided that she’ll take her dialysis treatment here in Manila. Yun sumama ako sa mga Koreano at ilang lingo din ako di umuwi sa bahay dahil required kami na matulog 24/7 sa hotel kasama ng mga batang koreano. For that 3 week eh di ako nakauwi sa bahay upang bisitahin ang aking mama na nasa bahat ng aking tita sa Sta Mesa. Naging masaya ako sa tatlong lingo na yaon at dumating ang huling gabi ko sa camp. Naginuman at nagparty kami bago umalis ang mga koreano kayat di ko napansin ang pagtunog ng aking celphone magdamag. Pagkagisng ko eh nakita ko ang aking celphone. Ilang mga miskol sa aking mga pinsan at isang text mula sa aking kuya. Di ko lam ang aking gagawin nung nabasa ko ang balita. Inatake sa puso ang aking mama habang sya ay nagdadialysis ng madaling araw na yon. Dahil sa pagod nakatulog ang aking kuya at nung matapos na ang session eh di na nagising ang aking mama. AT yun di ko na naabutan ang aking mama. DI man lang kami nakapagusap.The last time we saw each other eh nung hinatid ako sa Pisay(nagaaply palang ako nun) at mukhang masayang masaya sya nun dahil gusto nya akong magtrabaho doon. Namalagi sya sa ICU ng ilang araw at nagdesisyon ang pamilya sa rekomendasyon ng mga doctor na mahirap na syang isalba. DI ko maisip na mararanasan ko ang mga pangyayaring iyon. Imagine, ano ang mararamdaman mo na alam mung mamamatay na ang mom mo bukas dahil nagdesisyon na silang itigil ang pagturok ng gamot? Wala din sa aking mga kaptid ang may lakas ng loob na magtanggal or I turn off ang Life Support System kaya nagsabi ako na ako na lamang ang gagawa noon. Dahil lam kung hanggang sa huli na sa akin lang may tiwala ang aking mama sa kanyang “buhay”.


Ito lang ang unang pagkakataon ako na naglakas ng loob ikwento ang tungkol sa mama ko. Nagtataka nga ang aking mga kapatid at aking tatay dahil di ako sumasama sa sementeryo. Kanina lang eh pumunta silang tatlo sa sementeryo at di ako sumama. Di ko lam kung bakit pero isa lang ang alam ko ngayon.Its about time to move on. Sana’y makayanan ko nang pagusapan ang tungkol sa aking mama. Sana makayanan ko ng tumingin sa Lung Center pag dumadaan ako. Sana bumalik ng tuluyan ang tiwala ko sa mga doctor. Sana’y mabuhay ako ng tahimik at masaya dahil yun ang gusto ng aking mama para sa akin.

--

Kanina naisip ko na sana multuhin ako ng mom ko(kahit d ako naniniwala sa multo)naimagine ko na para makatulog ako eh sana'y kantahan nya ako ng isang lullaby.